Collected Quotes


Below reside the quotes I've collected over the ages. It should be admitted that I don't understand all of them, much less agree with all them. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy all them.

"Usually mathematicians have to shoot somebody to get this much publicity." - Thomas R. Nicely on the attention he received after finding the flaw in Intel's Pentium chip in 1994

"Physics is too hard for physicists" - D. Hilbert

"Mathematicians have long since regarded it as demeaning to work on problems related to elementary geometry in two or three dimensions, in spite of the fact that it is precisely this sort of mathematics which is of practical value." - Handbook of Applicable Mathematics.

"I try to take one day at a time... but lately several days have attacked me at once." - From Jon Cooper's sig

"The Feynman algorithm for solving any problem: Think real hard and write down the answer." - From Jon Cooper's sig

"Go not unto the Usenet for advice, for you will be told both yea and nay (and quite a few things that just have nothing at all to do with the question)." - From Jon Cooper's sig

"The Philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper." - Smith and Jones

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands [...] I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned [...] I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to. - Savage Garden (Affirmation)

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." - Mae West (1892-1980)

"Now either the stats course has changed considerably, or I copied my pure notes into the wrong book!" - David Kitchen

"It's better to be ten minutes late in this world than 10 years early in the next." - Dennis Abbott

Remember the dead; do not forget the living.

Money won't buy you happiness, it'll just let you be unhappy in nice places. - from Ian Cooper's signature

"God never thinks 'what for crying out loud can I give this person for Christmas?'" - Richard Owen

"Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get." - from Jon Cooper's signature

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley (1935-1977)

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television." - Fred Allen (1894-1956)

"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research." - Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." - Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

"Still searching for the faith to move a mountain. Want the fire back." - Michael W. Smith 'Missing Person'

"No-one sets out to do something with their life, they just do something with the day. Each day."

"I worship the quicksand he walks in." - Art Buchwald

"Scientist say that by the year 2019 one third of the world will be impersonating Elvis."

"Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end" - Spock,Star Trek VI 'The Undiscovered Country'

"Learn from others' mistakes; you don't have enough time to make them all yourself"

We do not fall in love with someone special, rather we make someone special for us to fall in love with.

"If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?" - Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing

"Frontiers are defended by soldiers; civilisations are made in schools." - A chief Rabbi

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" - Martin Luther King

"If you cannot find the truth right where you are where else to you expect to find it?" - Dogen, 13th century Buddhist monk

"Altering the central pillar of Christmas because you don't want to offend a tiny minority who have other faiths is like expecting the French government to allow visiting British motorists to drive on the left." - Jeremy Clarkson

New advances in technology have made it possible for us to repeat history at an ever increasing rate.

"#3 pencils and quadrille pads." - Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the lines were not so dominant.

"If you're going to have delusions you may as well have the really satisfying kind" - Marcus, Babylon 5

"Engineering is the science where the aim is to obtain the cheapest answer which is indistinguishable from the right answer" - Tim Wilson

Physics does not control nature, it merely describes it.

"I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray." - Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when was informed that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.

Power is not a measure of how much you can push but of what you can manipulate

"Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong," - Maskerade, Terry Pratchett

"That is only a relevant question if he is sane," said Salzella calmly. "He may be doing it because the little yellow pixies tell him to." - Maskerade, Terry Prachett

"There are ghosts from my past that own more of my soul than I thought I had given away" - Jennifer Knapp

"The last time we saw a clash this bad was when a bomb went off in a paint factory" - Neil of Richard's dance dress

"Justification is more than aligning paragraphs."

"My best friend was born in a manger" - Jesus Freak, DC Talk

"Freedom without limits is just a word." - Dorfl, Feet of Clay, Terry Prachett

"Anyone who is not shocked by quantum theory does not understand it." - Niels Bohr, 1927

Joseph's brothers sold him as a slave, this worked out for good. The lesson to be learned from this is not 'always sell your brother as a slave'.

"Given that the Borg absorb the knowledge of everyone they assimilate it's amazing how many security codes they don't know" - David Kitchen

"The camera never lies, it's just very economical with the truth."

"Poor but content is rich enough."

"Gossip: hearing something you like about someone you don't"

"Anything that can go wrong, will." - Murphey's Law

On travelling in London: "Think of a number. Think of another number; you've got time to think of plenty more." - Mum

On a flashy computer art pattern generator "Epilepsy or your money back." - Neil

"Nobody wants to be lonely."

"Here I go mixing motar for another wall to build." - Amy Grant

"Too often what we are looking for is not a Lord of All but a genie" - Encounter with God

"[Teacher Training] Courses are a menace to education and should be outlawed" - Silly~creature Chess

"When sin demanded justice for my soul Mercy said 'No'." - Greg Long

"Let the rock that was rolled away be my corner stone." - Clay Crosse

Ulta rapid toaster: singes the crust before the middle can get warm.

Psychology is the atheist answer to a problem whose solution is God.

"Either the afterlife has undergone substantial refurbishment since the Bible was written or I'm not dead." - TBA

Subtext: What isn't there but would get marks if it was.

"Hindsight: Watching a history program from a helicopter while eating baked beans. In other words the usual Wednesday night." - Kevin

"The Bible is nothing but ruthlessly honest about its heroes." - Mum

"Whatever hopes and dreams you have for your life God has better planned for you." - Tony Bugeja

"And why did you bother with so many stars?" - Chris Rice, Questions for Heaven

"For the next twenty four hours all your decision making privileges are revoked" - Gone in 60 Seconds

"The revolution is only a T-shirt away."

"People on Universe just give out privs like smarties." - Michelle Hart

"I'm a very well adapted parasite," - Catherine

It is easier to destroy than to build because destruction requires less precision.

"Gotta find myself every time you go away" - Cowboys and Kisses

"If you can stay calm when all about you is chaos you probably haven't grasped the seriousness of the situation." - Jon Cooper's Sig.

Marble generally insists on installing operating systems on the computers rather than the monitor - Emote from Snowplains.

"Some people think that a man will do anything for enough money, but I believe that each man has a line he will not cross, no matter the cost." - Due South

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

Being single isn't as bad as dating agencies make out.

"If you want me to go then say it, If you want me to stay then show it," - Come to the end of the Line

"Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me." - Best Thing, Savage Garden

The notion that wealth brings happiness is a myth perpetuated by the rich to try and make themselves feel better.

"Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?" - 'What's love got to do with it?'

"I stumble on reality, and fall" - Clay Rose

"What have I got running that's making everything so slow? Oh ... Windows." - Quotes on SP

"Friendly Food & Homemade Staff" - Sign outside a restaurant.

"Peace and Love!" - Darleks in a television advert.

"Only a workaholic would want to take over the world." - Michelle Hart (adapted)

"God uses idiots. He hasn't got anything else to choose from." - Lucas on Life, Jeff Lucas

"God has this habit of being God." - Lucas on Life, Jeff Lucas

"Example sheets are so called because they have a set of problems for you to solve, and no examples." - The Alternative Guide to Mathematics at Cambridge

"It is unfortunate that the university requires us to sit exams before it will grant us degrees," - The Alternative Guide to Mathematics at Cambridge

"Undergraduate cooking facilities can demand a level of initiative far above and beyond ITV's 'Survivor' .. College cafeteria food though is generally filling, reasonably priced and occasionally nutritious." - Freshers Guide, CUSU

"For in the true nature of things, if we rightly consider, every green tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold and silver." - Martin Luther

"One cannot guess the real difficulties of a problem before having solved it." - Carl Ludwig Siegel (German Mathematician)

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life.

"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out one candle"

"Jesus is the son of God who put in himself in our shoes so that we might be put into his" - Eden Sermon

Knowing winks are almost invariably given by the clueless.

"If you argue with stupid people they'll drag you down to their level and then beat you by experience" - Edwin quoting ... someone

"Windows 98: A 32bit extension to a 16 bit graphical environment, running over a 8bit shell originally designed for a 4bit processor by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition." - Idlewild's desc (MBA4)

"Your program has n+1 bugs where n is the number of bugs you have found" - Michelle Hart (adapted)

"Consider a student at rest. If no force is applied no work will be done." - Simon's Door

The second law of studentdynamics: apathy increases

"This is a story of good vs. evil, with evil being all-powerful and good being generally 3 feet tall with hairy feet." - Self made critic on LotR

"I wouldn't have a Ph.D. in computer science if I wasn't obsessively worried about determining lists of prime numbers. :-)" - The What, Why, Who, and Where of Python

"Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods" - Fortune

"Microsoft is a cross between the Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately they use the Borg to do their marketing and the Ferengi to do their programming." - Simon Slavin, in Fortune

"Drunk in charge of a football mantra" - Michelle arresting celebraters of England's victory over Argentina (1-0 they tell me)

Ninety-Ninety Rule: "The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time." - Attributed to Tom Cargill of Bell Labs

"The time from now until the completion of the project tends to become constant." - Douglas Hartree, early British computer scientist

"True, as one scientist said to another, 'astronomically speaking, man is infinitesimally small'.
'That is so,' responded his colleague, 'but then, astronomically speaking, man is the astronomer.'" - John Stott, The Contemporary Christian

PaCx asks his friends "Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?"
net.platonic phlEbas asks of PaCx's friends "Shark infested microcustard?"

scarecrow maRble asks of his friends "why is my 2.2Ghz P4 so bleedin' slooooooooooooow?"
Jarel asks of maRble's friends "cos you're running lots and lots of crufty MS software?"
scarecrow maRble tells his friends "just windows."
scarecrow maRble tells his friends "oh."
Friends: maRble sees your point.

"Code rots if not used" - Marnanel quoting Growf, quoting 'The Tao of Programming' by Geoffrey James

"[God] is fundamentally opposed to other religions BECAUSE THEY DO NOT WORK" - Dick Dowsett in 'God that's not Fair'

"My answer surprised them. 'It doesn't really matter to me what my children do or what job they have. What I want for them is to have great integrity, great compassion, and great faith." - Ruhe's mother speaking to her Chinese students about the ambitions she had for her kids. (c) Ruhe's mother.

"The purpose of satire has been rightly stated as to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cosy half truth, and our job, as I see it, is to put it back again!" - Michael Flanders speaking of his act with Donald Swan

Redwelly: 'Blending cool design, hot content and stupid mission statements'

java.util. Marnanel tells his friends "Who writes these headlines? 'Three found stabbed to death!... Police launch a murder investigation.' Thank you, Captain Obvious."
bearded fiZaratan tells Marnanel's friends "Three found stabbed to death. Police launch a shaving accident investigation."
Friends: Marnanel thinks . o O ( Three found stabbed to death... Police launch a small fishing trawler. )

maRble tells his friends 'ooh, my new spam filters have caught a couple of things. Not spam, admittedly, but I can see why they look sufficiently like it'
BigCheese asks of maRble's friends "Corned beef? Tinned sardines?"

"Only when the last tree has been cut down,
When the last river has been poisoned
And the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten." - Indian Prophecy

Detached HobNob tells his friends "college orientation session at 9:30"
Molt asks of HobNob's friends "I thought they'd have decided on the orientation of the college when they built it? Or is it on a cunning turn-table?"

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
(I've no idea what he means, but it sounds impressive whatever it is.)

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." - Bjarne Stroustrup

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." - Paul Erdos

"We have art to save ourselves from the truth." - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'." - unknown

"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"I'm all in favour of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them." - Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." - George Eliot (1819-1880)

"Black holes are where God divided by zero." - Steven Wright

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint Exupery

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it" - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" - Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C. A. R. Hoare

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." - G. K. Chesterton

"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right." - H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" - Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism." - From 'Aphorisms For Our Time'

"Doctors don't like midwives because they're taking over the world." - Naath

Larry's First Law of Language Redesign: Everyone wants the colon.

"arming the American people was originally intended to ensure they could revolt if the government ever genuinely started oppressing them. (Though right now one can't help wondering if those foresighted pioneers should also have conscientiously armed the rest of the world just in case the US government ever started oppressing them)" - Anakin in GROGGS

"Many sentences in this Webpage are of a very dangerous length and were performed by highly trained word processors. On no account should inexperienced versions of Microsoft Word attempt to imitate them without proper medical mouse and keyboard supervision." - Luke Harrison

"I do not seek unpopularity as a badge of honour but sometimes it is the price of leadership and cost of conviction" - Tony Blair

"The study also cites the act of pumping one's raised fist in a gesture of female solidarity against the oppressive forces of air pressure." - The Onion

"In Tony's speach in Glasgow when he was saying "Yes it's your democratic right to march but if you did this in Iraq you'd all be tortured and murdered", did you not feel there was a little twinge of envy there?" - The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4

Neil's principle of liberal theology: You just made that up!

"Would you say that a man is worth nothing
Until someone is willing to pay?" - Graham Kendrick

"in-train announcements - 'the next station with this train will be Chalk Farm' - are overloud, grammatically dubious and often fraudulent. People move house to escape travelling on [The Northern Line]." - The Tube Quiz

"Untyped languages such as Lisp make it hard to achieve reliability. Assembly language makes it hard to achieve anything." - Professor Larry Paulson, Software Engineering II Cambridge University

"Those of you who fail to study the past, will be condemned to repeat it - NEXT SEMESTER." - Dr. G.A. Levesque

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." - AP Chemistry

"What is the first feature you notice in the opposite sex?
wtf I dunno, depends if they have bright green hair or three eyes doesn't it?" - Sath answering a survey

"There are many powers in the world, for good or for evil. Some are greater than I am. Against some I have not yet been measured. But my time is coming." - Gandalf, LotR, J. R. R. Tolkien

Treebeard repeated the word thoughtfully. "Hill. Yes, that was it. But it is a hasty word for a thing that has stood here ever since this part of the world was shaped." - LotR, J. R. R. Tolkien

"If there's one thing that the Web has changed about modern communication, it's that we've at long last done away with the archaic idea that publishing is the private playground of people who have ideas, experiences, and opinions." - Lore Sj÷berg, Brunching Shuttlecocks

"The great and difficult task of parenthood is to exercise control in such a way that in the end the child will not need it anymore" - William Barclay

"The Bible's line on adultery is like society's approach to glue-sniffing. Glue is great, but only for sticking things together." - God's Good Life, David Field

"History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other." - Philip Guedalla

"Don't gamble what you cannot afford to lose" - Dad

"I wish [Gordon Brown] and others would stop talking about 'defence spending'. It's attack spending." - Justin, UK

"The coalition has the technological advantage. Apparently they have a device that can destroy all eletronic equipment but leave buildings standing. Actually I have one of those too, it's called a three year old" - The Now Show, BBC Radio 4

"History is something that didn't happen written by someone who wasn't there." - Annon (Incidently I like history, but it's still funny)

"The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father." - O'Malley Austin

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Henry Ward Beecher

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." - Mark Twain

"But hey, if we can't be inspired by people with no grip on reality, what good are they?" - Ursula Vernon

"And now at last it comes. You will give me the ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea and the sun and the snow upon the mountain! Dreadful as the storm and the lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!'
She lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore there issued a great light that illuminated her alone and left all else dark. She stood before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond enduring, terrible and worshipful. Then she let her hand fall, and the light faded, and suddenly she laughed again, and lo! she was shrunken: a slender elf-woman, clad in simple white, whose gentle voice was soft and sad. 'I pass the test,' she said. `I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel." - J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

"I speak better English than this villain Bush" - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (currently on administrative leave)

'Avocado is like rain. You go through three stages:
1 - "Hmm, well that's not bad, I could get used to that."
2 - "Actually that's quite gooey and strange.."
3 - "Ugh, I have so had enough!!"' - Sath

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd." - Flannery O'Connor

"Any old fool can
write Haiku. Just stop at the
seventeenth syllab,"

"Theoretical physicist - a physicist whose existence is postulated, to make the numbers balance, but who is never actually observed in the laboratory." - quoted in Sharon Curtis' Cambridge quotes collection

"Damn! I'm running out of integers!" - A Cambridge Maths Lecturer

In a Complex Variables course a long, long, LONG time ago a lecturer wanted to swap the order of an integral and an infinite sum...
"To do this we use a special theorem...the theorem that says that secretly this is an applied maths course." - Quoted from Sharon Curtis' Cambridge quotes collection

"Nature abhors second order differential equations." - General Relativity Lecture

"Theoretical physicists tend to assume that Nature isn't as malevolent as our pure mathematical examiners."

"I'm sure this is a mistake, if only because I make one mistake each lecture and there's only ten minutes left" - Prof. Grimmett

Humphrey Lyttleton: Tony, what does immersing in boiling water revive?
Tony Hawks: The memory that boiling water hurts.
- I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Everyone's a philosopher at midnight" - Sath

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

"There is a saying in the city: 'whoever dies with the most toys wins' whenever I hear it I just want to shout 'WINS WHAT?'" - Steve Dival

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

"If I had a London bus, as I'm sure many of you do, I would find that I had to displace it a great distance before it became unstable and fell over; this accounts for their popularity." - Lecturer, Cambridge Uni, Non-Linear Dynamics

"All the animal life in us, all schemes of happiness that centred on this world, were always doomed to final frustration. In ordinary times only a wise man can realise it. Now the stupidest of us knows." - C.S. Lewis preaching during the Second World War

"A year on, turns out invading a country that has nothing atall to do with al-Qaeda has not stopped al-Qaeda in it's tracks. Hard to work out why really." - Andy Zoltzman, The Now Show

"If you want to have a great marriage, practise now by loving the unloveable." - P.J. Smyth

'My son asked me, "Dad? Before you married Mum, who told you how to drive?"' - J. John

"When I make mistakes ordinarily, I make mistakes. When I make mistakes with jetlag, I can blame it on jetlag. It's a convenient arrangement: I fly as often as possible..." - Don Carson

"Ask not what the computer can do for you ..."

"I am playing the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order" - Eric Morecambe

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Prachett

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." - Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821-1890) - British Explorer

"Whenever I hear people talking about 'liberal ideas,' I am always astounded that men should love to fool themselves with empty sounds. An idea should never be liberal; it must be vigorous, positive, and without loose ends so that it may fulfill its divine mission and be productive. The proper place for liberality is in the realm of the emotions." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to." - Dorothy Parker.

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'" - The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis

The anarchist movement consists of two parts; the first's actions chiefly consist of trying to persuade people that humans are good enough to propser without any law, the second's actions chiefly consist of proving just how wrong the other is.

"If it be true (as it certainly is) that a man can feel equisite happiness in skinning a cat, then the religious philosopher can only draw one of two deductions. He must either deny the existence of God, as all atheists do; or he must deny the present union between God and man, as all Christians do. The new theologians seem to think it a highly rationalistic solution to deny the cat." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"All democrats object to men being disqualified by the accident of birth; tradition objects to their being disqualified by the accident of death." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"There is the great lesson of 'Beauty and the Beast'; that a thing must be loved before it is loveable" - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"I could never mix in the common murmur of that rising generation against monogamy, because no restriction on sex seemed as odd and unexpected as sex itself." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"God never asks us to do the impossible; that's his job." - Tony Bugeja

"I don't think you can reduce the essence of Conservatism to 'the rich should get richer and the poor should get poorer', or 'everyone should be left to fend for themselves'. That would be as incorrect as saying that the essence of Socialism is 'the rich should be punished for being successful and the poor should be rewarded for being unambitious'" - Lachlan McLean

"Enough of this myth that faith means being convinced of something without good reason; that's not faith, that's insanity. Faith is trusting someone who has time and again demonstrated themself to be trustworthy" - Neil Roques

"Thou shalt not do at all what others do poorly" - The eleventh commandement of Bible-Church evangelicalism

"If peace can not be maintained with honour, it is no longer peace." - Lord John Russell.

Don't get me wrong; I'm against sex outside of marriage, but I think pontificating at society about it is rather like telling a man making a good attempt at drowning himself in his bath tub that if he wants to live longer he really needs to give up smoking.

"Most gracious and bountiful Lord of History,
May your holy strands of continuity be ever bourn in mind.
Thy richness-in-multiplicity come, thy salient insights be done,
On earth as they are in heaven.
Give us this day our rich and vibrant histographical debate,
And forgive our anachronisms, as we forgive those who question the plausibility of our theories.
Lead us not into regrettable analytical misconfigurations,
But deliver us from excessive post-modernistic theorising
For thine is the context, the scholarly insight and the admirably researched account,
Now and forever,
Amen." - A Historian's Prayer, C.B. Jones

"many churches today are orderly simply because they are asleep, and with some one fears it is the sleep of death. It is no great thing to have order in a cementary" - J.I. Packer

The Bible's problem with legalism is not that it's overkill, but that it doesn't kill.

"Do not be decieved, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." - The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis

"Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god" - M. Denis de Rougemont

"Of course language is not an infallible guide, but it contains, with all its defects, a good deal of stored insight and experience. If you begin by flouting it, it has a way of avenging itself later on." - The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis

"Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways."

"Chronologically dubious." - Toby, when asked his opinion of the song "These are the days of Elijah"

"In an age in which there is an outburst of enthusiasm for things spiritual, it may come as a shock to admit that Christianity is very materialistic. Our goal is not to fill you with enough spiritual hot air that you float a foot above the earth. Our goal is to teach you to pray in such a way that material matters such as politics and bread will be for you spiritual matters." - Stanley Hauerwas & William Willimon

[On Rudolf]
Edwin: Reindeer aren't mythical creatures
Neil: Flying ones with bright red foglight noses are
Edwin: You just need a pot of paint and a catapult.

"Reality's not returning my calls"

"nor is it honourable to seek one's own honour." - Proverbs 25:27b

"If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has."

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague."

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

"Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf."

"Save our planet...it's the only one with chocolate!"

"Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."

"The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble."

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."

"He has pleased all the bohemians by saying that women are equal to men; but he has infuriated them by suggesting that men are equal to women." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton, of Mr. Bernard Shaw

'The man who said, "Blessed is he that expecteth nothing, for he shall not be disappointed," put the eulogy quite inadequately and even falsely. The truth "Blessed is he that expecteth nothing, for he shall be gloriously surprised." The man who expects nothing sees redder roses than common men can see, and greener grass, and a more startling sun' - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"All the empires and the kingdoms have failed, because of this inherent and continual weakness, that they were founded by strong men and upon strong men. But this one thing, the historic Christian Church, was founded on a weak man [Peter], and for that reason it is indestructible. For no chain is stronger than its weakest link." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"I do not know whether the scientific marriage-mongers are right (as they say) or wrong (as Mr. Wells says) in saying that medical supervision [pairing and breeding humans after the manner of dogs or horses] would produce strong and healthy men. I am only certain that if it did, the first act of the strong and healthy men would be to smash the medical supervision." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"A great man is not a man so strong that he feels less than other men; he is a man so strong that he feels more. And when Nietszche says, 'A new commandment I give to you, "be hard,"' he is really saying, 'A new commandment I give to you, "be dead."'" - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"The strong old literature is all in praise of the weak. The rude old tales are as tender to minorities as any modern political idealist. The rude old ballads are as sentimentally concerned for the under-dog as the Aborigines Protection Society. When men were tough and raw, when they lived amid hard knocks and hard laws, when they knew what fighting really was, they had only two kinds of songs. The first was a rejoicing that the weak had conquered the strong, the second a lamentation that the strong had, for once in a way, conquered the weak." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"If we have no more turnip ghosts it is chiefly from the lack of turnips." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"Exactly at the instant when hope ceases to be reasonable it begins to be useful." - Heretics, G.K. Chesterton

"The ground at the foot of the cross is level, it is also clear." - Richard Owen

"the lion lay down with the lamb. But remember that this text is too lightly interpreted. It is constantly assured, especially in our Tolstoyan tendencies, that when the lion lies down with the lamb the lion becomes lamb-like. But that is brutal annexation and imperialism on the part of the lamb. That is simply the lamb absorbing the lion instead of the lion eating the lamb. The real problem is -- Can the lion lie down with the lamb and still retain his royal ferocity? That is the problem the Church attempted; that is the miracle she achieved." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"It would be unfair to omit altogether from the list the mysterious but suggestive definition said to have been given by a little girl, "An optimist is a man who looks after your eyes, and a pessimist is a man who looks after your feet." I am not sure that this is not the best definition of all." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"My acceptance of the universe is not optimism, it is more like patriotism. It is a matter of primary loyalty. The world is not a lodging-house at Brighton, which we are to leave because it is miserable. It is the fortress of our family, with the flag flying on the turret, and the more miserable it is the less we should leave it." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"Men did not love Rome because she was great. She was great because they had loved her." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

'Dis is police brutality ...' Igneous muttered.
'No, dis is just police shoutin'!' yelled Detritus 'You want to try for brutality it okay wit' me!' - Feet of Clay, Terry Prachett

"Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" - 1 Chronicles 17:16b

"But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand." - 1 Chronicles 29:14

"Tap dancing is a lot of fun, you just have to be really careful you don't fall off."

"It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word." - Andrew Jackson

"I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies. [...] Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!" - Amos 5:21,22,24

"My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure." - Psalm 71:15

"I'm thinking of getting my mid-life crisis in early, before the rush." - mistdog

"Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Oscar Wilde said that sunsets were not valued because we could not pay for sunsets. But Oscar Wilde was wrong; we can pay for sunsets. We can pay for them by not being Oscar Wilde." - Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

"GamesEvening! Because all the best evil geniuses practiced with board games." - Alex Churchill

"When will politicians realise that George Orwell's 1984 was a warning, not an instruction manual?" - UKIP MEP Derek Clark

"New rules declared that any reincarnations without government consent were illegal." - BBC News Article commenting on Chinese Policy

"The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent." - attributed to John Maynard Keynes

"Windows search has fairly severe difficulty finding hay in a haystack." - Eoin Phillips

"You know if you're going to send someone to save the world, make sure they like it the way it is" - Xander Cage, xXx

"Like all socialists, he wants to help the poor only about half as much as he wants to hurt the rich" - Jeremy Clarkson, And Another Thing...

"The Americans think 100 years is a really long time; the British think 100 miles is a really long way."

"It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one" - The Man Who was Thursday, G.K. Chesterton

"In a democratic society, your vote counts.
In an aristocratic one, your Count votes." - Will Clarke

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies: The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense." - Rick Warren

The Bible is more interested in kings becoming servants than it is in servants becoming kings.

"Our society strives to avoid any possibility of offending anyone - except God." - Billy Graham

"Evolve an Earth-destructive form of life. Given that we are here, and you are reading this article, it seems like this is the plan which is furthest along at the moment." - How to Destroy the Earth, Sam Hughes

"When you institutionalise grace all you get is entitlement" - Josh

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